Subscribe to Posts
Drop Us a Linehuge, ginormous dots. semi-rant/ semi-wakeupworld.
Viewed 614 times, 2 so far today » 27 Comments » « previous article | next article »
Epiphany.
The story’s funny, actually. I was watching a documentary on Jesus’ life and there’s this actor walking along the streets of Nazareth, pretending to be Jesus, and I was just suddenly filled with this desire to be there; to walk the dusty roads and converse with street vendors, experience the world and not give a fuck about anything else; not give a damn about the ice-caps rapidly melting and that I’m probably never going to see the Alps covered in ice by the time I’m able to. I have to stop pitying myself, stop thinking about the things I’m inevitably not going to see, hear, and do. There are always going to be other wonders to visit.
I realized how small my world’s gotten, how self-centered and narrow-minded I’ve become. I’ve forgotten the joy of just letting my mind wander. I can’t remember the last time I spent an entire day just immersing myself in a really good book and I can’t remember the last time I thought so freely of my future. Lately, it’s been: go to college, work, love my job, and travel. These past few months I’ve been wondering why thinking about it feels so oppressive. It’s starting to feel like a restriction, almost. Like something I absolutely have to live up to. There is no more freedom in the dream, no more room for anything else. The idea of travel in the future has become a necessity, and working has become only a stepping stone to achieving everything else.
But watching the documentary, listening to all these experts and their theories… it made me remember all my aspirations as a tween; how as a 13 year old I’ve dreamed of visiting the pyramids of Egypt and the tombs of all these amazing people I read about in books. I wanted to be an archaeologist, study history, study everything I can about anything. Now, I want to be a photographer. I want to take as many pictures as I can, and I want to travel. And In the future, I want to go on a vacation and actually be on vacation. No stressing about where to go, what to see, and what time to see it; whimsical adventures that take you wherever. Being filthy rich will only be second on my agenda, albeit, admittedly, it won’t be too far from the first.
When did I start forgetting the rest of the world, I wonder? I think I’ve unknowingly discarded the values so closely related to family and friendship in exchange for the silent comfort I find in front of my computer; in exchange for these characters on the internet from movies, shows, animes, mangas that I always find myself attached to. When did I start believing that I couldn’t do all the things I wanted to, that I’m supposed to just stick to one profession and live my life that way? When did I become so dependent on others? When did the opinions of others start bothering me and why do they matter? When did I start craving validation from my own family, from my peers, from the situations I find in movies, mangas, animes? I hate it. I hate feeling the need to consult the people around me to make a wise decision. I hate being in this helpless state of mind. Pathetic. Piece of trash. Totally dependent on the comfort of other people. Vicariously living life through the internet, through the media. Freaking inferiority complex. Vanity. Totally untrue to the self. I’m still 17 damn it.
I think I’ll stop today.
**
The whole thing sounds disconnected and broken. Pieces of thought scattered everywhere, no organization.
**
I think, to others, this may sound too idealistic. They’ll think, “You’re only 17. Of course you’ll think what way. But it’s ok, you’re supposed to anyway. Then later, you’ll find out that things don’t always go the way you want to.” They’d get all patronizing and I’d secretly resent them for it.
bwahahah. have you been watching An Inconvenient Truth?
sus, your so-called epiphany is so typical of teenage self-centered, self-inflicted melodrama. you’ll grow out of it. (though i haven’t yet. bwahahah)
ay Nazareth diay. It was the visual imagery of the Alps that stuck.
Quote
Langing, just find your passion. There is no boundary to what you can do if you’re passionate about it.
Quote
Wow! grabe! I could understand where you’re coming from.
Ate, there’s nothing wrong with dreaming, as well as there’s nothing wrong realizing them. Well, if your dream(boy) is in Cebu, you should not be some place else? mwahahahaha!
Pease ate! peace!
Quote
This could be too bulgar or offensive. And my apologies to those who are not ready to talk about this yet, but we can not afford another Ally. I am not encouraging promiscuity here, I’m being practical. And this does not apply to the ladies, but to the gentlemen as well.
Ladies and gentlemen, if ever you are active, please use protection. OK! Someone in the family may have earned a doctoral degree already in sex education, you should ask around for advise!
Quote
haha, tats! my dream(boy) is in every country and continent.:))
Quote
Ah mora man sad kag taga united nations! Do not count on it. I know someone, a friend since college nga ang anak Filipino, japaneses, taiwanese, ug korean. She is our United nations, ambassador. mwahaha..
Ate remember this, there is only one guy in this world that will make your heart beat out of sync. One guy and one guy only! If ever you have found him na, the feeling could never be duplicated anymore bisag si Brad Pitt pa would cross your way, and wherever that be(bisan pag sa langit, thousand thousand million million). You should learn from Ate xyzha! Inig kakita nimo sa imo dream(boy) maghigwa-os ka. dili ka kasabot sa imo gibati. Ka pupu-on ka, nga ka-ihion ka, nga kulbaan ka, nga dili ka kasabot sa imo gibati. Get’s mo!
Quote
the one guy that will make your heart beat out of sync will probably be the same guy that will break your heart to pieces…
¨the devils advocate¨ bwehehehehehe
Quote
So the final question is: Why do people want to fall in love — when it can have such a short run and be so painful?
I think it’s because, as some of you may already know …
While it does last, it feels fucking great.
(The Mirror has Two Faces)
Quote
I am a big advocate of using condom… not just to prevent pregnancy but for STD’s. Study shows that the number 1 cancer for women is not anymore breast cancer but cervical cancer which is caused by STD.
But even though tagaan na nimo ug usa ka sakong condom, it will not work still. Ask Micmic hehehe…. she had 1yr supply of condom pero….(mic miga ta)
Bitaw you kids, this is a serious issue.
Quote
wow, tats. kulbaa ana uy.:))
Quote
its not like we want to fall in love…we dont ¨WANT¨ to fall in love…we ¨JUST¨ fall in love…since conception…we were already programmed to love…just like a robot..it does what it is programmed to do…
Just like we dont ¨WANT¨ to feel pain..or get hurt….we ¨JUST¨ feel pain and get hurt….this is unavoidable because as we were programmed to love others…we were also programmed to cause pain to others…
may the force be with you…bwehehehe
Quote
CAUSE PAIN to others???? What are you a saddist?
Quote
Tell that to Xyzha. She badly WANTS to fall in love. And to a certain extent, she also badly WANTS to feel pain.
I should know. “Been there. Done that, wore the t-shirt, ate the burger, bought the original cast album, choreographed the legions of the damned and orchestrated the screaming…” (-the Morning Star in the Kindly Ones) hekhekhek.
Ahh, spoken like a man, indeed.
Women want to fall in love. Women dream of feeling that elusive magic. Women crave to hear music in that all-important first kiss.
There’s love. And then there’s falling in love.
You’re missing the point. Pain, in the context of love, is poetry.
And love, in the context of insane-falling-head-over-heels-kind-of-love, hurts. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. It hurts from head to toe. Inexplicably - nay, deliciously - so.
Mao nay gitawag na gugmang giatay. Bwahahahha.
Quote
er. your mama is the best source of information. bwahahaha
Quote
hello! basin expired na! mao diay. tsk, tsk.
1. To prevent pregnancy: use pills. (or at least consult an OB-GYN)
2. To avoid STD: stick to one partner. Monogamy is the way to go.
hello!!!
Quote
unsa man ni? moy, ria, angel are you telling sex is okey for as long as you will not get pregnant. hello? or are you equating falling in love and having sex?….for me, it shOuld be the GUY. the guy you want to spend the rest of your life… kay kung nagkamali ka… there goes the pain….and this sounds very old fashioned- i believe in destiny.
Quote
Mom, I think what they’re trying to say is that you can’t lock the pool forever. Your kids will always find a way to jump in the water. So you might as well teach them to swim.
Kung sa bisaya pa: bisan itago nimo ang yawi sa swimming pool, mukatkat gihapon na sa baril ug mangita ug paagi na mulukso sa tubig. so mas maayo pa nga imong tudluan unsaon paglangoy.
However, I do agree with your sentiments. There’s no way to know for certain if he’s THE one, but at least make sure that you’re emotionally and mentally ready. It’s different for men and women. On women, sex will always have an emotional impact, no matter how hard we pretend that it doesn’t matter. That’s what I always tell Fruhlein and Xyzha. Ambot lang kung naminaw ba.
On the other side of the spectrum, do not indulge in delusions that you’ll end up with someone you sleep with forever and ever. That is even more dangerous.
Kung naa tingali ko anak na babae, ambot unsaon sad nako.
But Fruhlein asked me at a very early age (10 or 11) what an orgasm was, and I had no choice but to respond. Better that she learned it from me than from anyone else.
As for Xyzha, well, she learned things on her own. But I’ve always been very, very strict with her. It didn’t work. Gi-away pa nuon ko. Here’s hoping she’d find perspective elsewhere.
Basta this is all I can say — I won’t teach my kids to fear sex. I won’t tell them it’s dirty. I won’t create a scenario where my kids will have negative body issues. I won’t inflict them with guilt. Instead, I’ll tell them that it’s a beautiful thing, a gift from God, but it must be used with caution. And one has to be mature enough to revel in its glory.
I’m a bit neofreudian in this regard, I suppose. But I learned from my own experience:
heat - maturity - guidance = GUILT = negative body issues = inferiority complex = self-destructive tendencies
yun lang.
ayaw na react, mommy. opinion lang po.
Quote
lagpas na kaayo ug abot ang topic. bwahahahahaha.
Quote
pahabol: tanawa si mike ug si carlo. hangtod karon, di kabaw mulangoy. ingon si mike iniro ra kuno ang iyahang nahibawan. bwahahahahah.
joke, joke.
hugaw kaayo mo ug huna-huna da.
bitaw, di gyud na sila kabaw mulangoy. in the literal sense ha.
Quote
wa koy labot anang sex uy…si ate ria ug si kuya primo ra naghisgot ana… bwehehehe
Quote